


Retrieving the Compass

by Lutefiskfisk



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, Financial Issues, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Inspired by Fanfiction, Mental Health Issues, Nichorello, Post-Canon, Romance, Self-Worth Issues, fears for the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 12:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16661205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lutefiskfisk/pseuds/Lutefiskfisk
Summary: Lorna's first day out of prison.





	Retrieving the Compass

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Delirium](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15696828) by [NanasTeaParty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanasTeaParty/pseuds/NanasTeaParty). 



> This one is inspired by "Delirium" by NanasTeaParty and borrows a few general ideas from it. It's meant to be read as an independent piece, and, likewise, I hope that it doesn't give away too much of their fic in case you haven't read it yet (you really should, though, because it's amazing). 
> 
> Feedback is appreciated.

 

One should think that release from prison would be an event to be celebrated. For Lorna, however, it was a prospect that was filling her with dread. She had no plan for life on the outside. After he'd heard that she'd gotten divorced ( _in prison_ , no less), her father, staunch Catholic that he was, had disowned her. Her sister might've been on her side, but there was no way that she could possibly house Lorna in her tiny, already hopelessly overcrowded apartment. So, when Lorna, clad in a prison-issued set of ill-fitting sweater, jeans and jacket and clutching a bag filled with her belongings (if you could call it that; the dress she'd been given wasn't hers and was way too large, and her shoes were missing - surely a consequence of the chaos that had been the riot) to her chest, hesitantly made her way out of the building that had been her home for the past one and a half years, she almost wished that she could go back inside. It might've been prison, and then a Psych ward within prison, but at least she'd had a roof over her head and regular (albeit shitty) meals. Out here, she'd be just another homeless. The realization sent a shudder down her spine.

She was so absorbed in these dire thoughts that she almost didn't register the voice yelling,

"Hey, kid!"

Lorna gave a start. She'd recognize that voice anywhere, but that just couldn't be...

But when she warily raised her head, she did see Nicky there, just a little further down the street, dressed in black jeans and a flannel, her wild hair shining golden in the morning sun, and with a broad goofy grin plastered on her face as she was holding her arms wide open.

For a moment, Lorna stood rooted to the spot, sure that she was just imagining that, that it was too good to be true...

But then, she ran at the blonde, dropping her bag in the process, and all but tackled her. She let out a small laugh when she hit a solid body, proof that it wasn't just a hallucination, and got enveloped in Nicky's warm embrace. Relief washing over her, Lorna dug her fingers into the fabric of Nicky's shirt and burrowed her face into the crook of her neck. Even though she hadn't seen Nicky in almost a year, everything about her instantly felt familiar.

"God, I missed you so much," Lorna whispered into Nicky's skin.

"I missed you, too, kid. You have no idea."

Nicky's voice broke as she was speaking and it caused Lorna to hold her even tighter. They stood like that in silence for a few minutes, or maybe hours, and, eventually, Lorna raised her head, needing to see Nicky's face. She gently ran her fingertips down her cheek - her eyelids fluttered lightly at her touch and it filled Lorna with so much warmth - and _it was really her_ and _she was really here_.

"I can't believe you're here," said Lorna, biting back a sob. "I can't believe you've thought of me."

Nicky chuckled. "'course I'm here," she said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Lorna's ear. "Have you really thought I'd just forget about you?"

Lorna blushed. The honest answer was _'Yes'_. She'd been certain that once Nicky was free from the burden that was her, she'd move on. "How did you know?" she asked instead, trying to change the topic.

"That it's your date?" Lorna nodded. "Vause told Chapman. Also told her you had no arrangements. So... we thought we'd come to the rescue."

"Chapman? Is she here?"

"Yeah." Nicky nodded towards the parking lot. "Over there, by the car. Said she wanted to _'give us a moment'_." She rolled her eyes, but her happy smile betrayed her gratefulness.

But Lorna felt a sudden rise of shame. "So, you pick me up, and then what? I don't have anywhere to go. My family... they don't wanna have anything to do with me no more, and I-"

"Well, you stay with us, of course."

" _No!_ No... I... can't. It's too much, I can't-"

Nicky raised a brow. "What, don't tell me you'd prefer the alternative!" And when Lorna scowled at her, she added, her voice softer, "Hey, you can't feel bad about it. If you do, so do I. I've been staying at Piper's for the last two months."

As Lorna looked at her, two voices were battling in her head. On the one hand, she couldn't just impose herself and accept an offer that big. On the other hand, the prospect of having a home and being surrounded by people who cared about her was just too enticing...

Slowly, hesitantly, she nodded her head.

"Great," said Nicky, beaming. "Alright, let's go."

She picked up Lorna's bag, then wrapped her free arm around the brunette’s shoulders, and together, they marched off towards the parking lot.

 

* * *

 

Piper was standing outside, leaning against her car, and when her eyes caught Nicky and Lorna, she ran towards them to enthusiastically welcome the shorter woman. Eventually, they got ready to hit the road. As Piper settled down behind the wheel, Lorna took the backseat. When Nicky also sat in the back, Lorna shoved aside her bag that was lying between them, scooted into the middle and rested her head on Nicky's shoulder, her arm wrapped around the blonde's waist. After all those months of separation, when she'd been scared and alone in the desolate ward, unable to stop thinking of Nicky, desperately longing to have her by her side and certain that she'd never see her again, she now felt this overwhelming urge to physically assure herself that Nicky was still there, determined to never let her go.

Lorna smiled when she felt Nicky's cheek against her crown and her hand on her arm. Nicky's presence, the warmth of her body, the sounds of her conversation with Piper that Lorna only half listened to, the movement of the car, the sheer _normalcy_ of it all, and the thought that all of this was so much better than anything that she'd dared to imagine - all of it filled her with an elevating sense of comfort, and she closed her eyes and allowed herself to sink...

The next thing she felt was somebody rubbing her arm.

"Hey, wake up, sleepyhead!" she heard Nicky's chuckling voice.

Lorna blearily opened her eyes and slowly sat up straight. Her neck felt stiff and for a moment, she didn't remember where she was and how she got here.

"Did I fall asleep?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"No, you're wide awake and fresh as a fucking daisy, obviously," Nicky replied. "Well, yeah, you got zonked out. But we're here now."

When she got out of the car, Lorna took in her surroundings. This was clearly a better neighborhood than the one in which she'd grown up. From the streets to the facades of the buildings to the stores that they housed, everything looked a lot more expensive, neater, cleaner.

"Let's give you the big tour, shall we?" Piper beamed once they'd arrived in her apartment.

The foyer branched off to the bathroom and the living area, complete with open kitchen, the latter of which, in turn, led to both Piper's room and the guest bedroom. The apartment seemed way too spacious for one single person and just like the street that it was located in, everything in here was kempt and pretty, something that was reserved for _normal_ people - so profoundly different from herself -, and Lorna felt as though her mere presence was besmirching the place.

"So, this is yours," Nicky said when they entered the guest bedroom. It was home to a freshly-made queen-size bed, a wardrobe, a few shelves full of books and folders, and a desk and chair.

"Mine?" Lorna frowned. "But where do _you_ sleep?"

"Couch," Nicky said simply, pointing her finger towards the living area.

"Oh, no, honey, you shouldn't. Please. _I'm_ the new one, _I_ should be on the couch."

"Exactly. _You're_ the new one, and common courtesy demands that the new one gets the _bed_. But rest assured, if Chapman decides to take in a third stray, which I'm sure she will because she loves herself a cause, then it'll be your turn to move."

Piper half-heartedly smacked Nicky on the arm before she turned to Lorna. "So, what d'you wanna do now? We could go for lunch; we only discovered this neat little taco place the other day."

"Actually, I'd like to take a shower," Lorna mused, but she felt heat rise up to her face when she recalled a problem. "But... but I... I've got nothing to wear."

"Well, have some of mine," Nicky chimed in with a shrug.

"Yeah," added Piper. "And after lunch, we go and buy you some new clothes. How's that sound?"

It really did nothing but add to Lorna's shame. She hadn't been here for as much as half an hour and she was already such a burden. She almost wished that she hadn't gone with Nicky at all, for their sake. _'It's proof that you're important to them,'_ she reminded herself of something that her therapist had once told her. But still...

"Just lovely," she said.

 

* * *

 

After Lorna had emerged from the bathroom, dressed in a blouse and pair of rolled-up pants of Nicky's, they went for lunch and then hit the shops, a task that Piper refused to consider complete until Lorna was the owner of three full sets of clothes.

The longer the day went on, the more Lorna was weighed down by her feelings of guilt. _'Don't think about it. That's what friends are for,'_ Piper had said. But while they'd always gotten along just fine, Lorna wasn't sure if they were really so close that she could feel comfortable to keep taking and taking and _taking_ from her like that. And so she swore to herself that she'd pay her back once she was able to.

Because it might not be a lot of money to people like Piper and Nicky, but it sure was to _her_. The difference between her and them became even more evident to her when Nicky told her that she'd refused her father's offer to buy her an apartment of her own.

"I'd still say you should think about it," Lorna said, and she didn't quite manage to dispel the bitterness from her voice. They were back at Piper's, sitting on the couch while Piper was preparing dinner. Piper had plainly rejected any help from the "guest", and the kitchen was a no-go area for Nicky ever since that memorable afternoon when she'd caused a small fire while attempting to deep-fry a Mars bar. Not that Nicky was complaining. "I mean, I get that you don't wanna have anything to do with your father, but it's such a good chance for a new start! A lotta people would kill to have that!"

"I know," Nicky said wearily, tapping her socked foot against the top of the glass table. "And, yeah, I'd lie if I said that I'd never thought about it, but the thing is, I don't want him to think that it makes everything between us forgiven and forgotten, y'know, like he can just fucking buy himself a clear conscience, and that's it, everything's hunky-dory, and next, he gets the idea of me having play dates with his spawn-"

"Your _siblings_ ," Lorna corrected her.

Nicky scoffed. "Yeah, like that makes it any better."

Lorna felt a surge of affection. The pain in Nicky's voice was evident, brought about by the thought that her father was giving her half-siblings the love and attention that he'd never shown to her. She wanted to hug her, to make her see that she was so much more worthy than she thought she was, but she was afraid of being pushed away, now that Nicky was in _that_ mood.

"He could be to them like he was to you," Lorna said quietly, gently stroking Nicky's thigh, and she was glad that she was letting her. "And if he is, they may be glad to have someone like you to turn to."

Nicky turned her gaze towards her and for a moment, Lorna felt as though she was scrutinizing her, like she was searching - and finding - something deep inside her.

"Someone like me? Like an ex-con junkie?" she asked, but not without a little smile.

 

* * *

 

As she was lying in bed, Lorna couldn't sleep. Her body might be exhausted, but her racing thoughts kept her mind wide awake. It didn't help that the place was too quiet. She wouldn't have thought it possible, but apparently, she'd gotten so used to the sound of screaming inmates that her fucked-up mind actually ended up finding it comforting. Eventually, she considered it a lost cause, swung her legs out of the bed and quietly padded into the living area.

The room was shrouded in semi-darkness, moonlight filtering in through the windows, and filled with the murmur of the TV by the wall that was still on. Nicky was lying curled up on the couch, blanket wrapped around her body and deep in peaceful slumber. She looked adorable, Lorna found, as she settled down in front of the couch and gently cupped Nicky's cheek in her hand.

She let her fingertips trail down her cheek, then buried her hand into her fluffy hair to caress the back of her neck. Lorna smiled. Something about the contact brought her peace and she could've done this for hours, and maybe she would've, but suddenly, Nicky stirred and, as though she'd received an electric shock, Lorna let out a squeak and reflexively pulled her hand away.

"Lorna? What'cha doin' 'ere?" Nicky slurred, squinting her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lorna stammered in utter mortification, adding what she hoped to be a reasonable distance between Nicky and herself for good measure. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Don't ever think you've gotta be sorry for that," Nicky said warmly. "What's the matter? Can't sleep?"

"No…"

"Wanna talk about it?"

Lorna briefly considered it. She was scared. The prospect of being out here, in a world that felt too large for her, and having to conform to its expectations again, was overwhelming. She knew that she couldn't stay at Piper's forever, but what was she supposed to do? The first step would be to find a job, but that wouldn't come easy if you had no obvious talents but a record and a good amount of crazy. The magnitude of this predicament brought a burning ache to the pit of her stomach. She'd eventually have to bring the subject up, but not now, she decided. Not when everything was still so fresh and so raw and so fucking _confusing_.

"I just don't wanna be alone."

Nicky gave a nod and Lorna turned around, back leant against the couch and knees hugged to her chest. As she took in the show that was running on the TV (some old black-and-white detective movie), Lorna felt Nicky's hand on her shoulder, and she took it into hers, playing with her fingers.

They stayed like that for a while, but eventually, Lorna felt Nicky's grip get slacker, and she felt like another wave of anxiety was threatening to drown her. She wasn't ready to let Nicky go back to sleep just yet. Not like that.

"Nichols?"

"Hmm?"

"D'you think… d'you think you could come with me?"

"Sure, kid."

Still holding her hand, Lorna wordlessly guided Nicky into her bedroom and slipped underneath the sheets. After a moment of hesitation, Nicky followed suit and Lorna took hold of her, pushing her onto her back. She rested her head on the blonde's shoulder and sighed with relief when she felt her arms wrap around her.

Fingertips feathering over the delicate skin on her collarbone, Lorna couldn't help but marvel at how Nicky's mere presence put her mind at ease. It had always been like that between them. She'd eased her into prison life when she'd still been wearing orange, had never left her side when she'd been grieving the loss of her sweet Carmine, and now, she was here with her still, even after everyone else had abandoned her. She was so glad to have her back, that she had actually _waited for her_ all those months, but she found that she hardly deserved it. Nicky was her rock, the one person who could somehow make everything okay, and all that Lorna had ever done was to drag her down and to hurt her, again and again and again and fucking _again_.

She propped herself up on her forearms, one hand on Nicky's cheek, thumb tenderly stroking circles over her skin, the other in her hair, as she looked down at her, taking in the precious sight of her moonlit features.

"Hi," Nicky greeted her softy.

"Hi," replied Lorna, to continue in a more serious tone. "Nicky… I need to thank you for everything you've done for me."

Nicky let out a chuckle. "Nah. No need to thank me. This one's on Chapman."

"No, I don't mean just today, but… everything. You've always taken care of me and I've never told you how much that means to me."

"Lorna-" Nicky began, but the brunette vehemently shook her head, needing to continue. Now that the dam was broken, she couldn't just stop.

"I've never once thanked you. And instead… I... I've made you go through so much… and I've hurt you… I know I did, and I'm so sorry for that. But I want you to know in advance that if I'm ever hurting you again, that I don't mean it. 'cause it _will_ happen again, 'cause… 'cause I'm fucking _crazy_ and… I just always fuck shit up. That's what I do, right? But I'd never wanna hurt you, Nicky, I want you to remember that."

Nicky smiled up at her. "Alright. And the feeling's mutual, just so you know. I... you... you mean the world to me, kid."

A fond smile found its way onto Lorna's lips and she bent down to give Nicky a soft kiss on the cheek before she let her head sink onto her chest. And as she snuggled up to her, she felt Nicky's thumping heart against her cheek, another reminder that she was here with her, and she kept lying like that in contentment until sleep finally overcame her.


End file.
